Having depression and anxiety sucks. Not only for the person suffering with it, but also everyone around them. Over the years I have realised there are some things that people will always say, that seem like the right thing, but somehow it always make things worse.
“Just think positively“
A family member said this to me today and it made me really upset. I have heard this one many times before and it always has the same effect. With this particular member of my family, I never really speak out when I’m feeling down but I mentioned it today. I am usually one of the most positive people you will meet but when I have a period where my depression and anxiety is particularly bad I get really angry with myself that I cannot just be my usual, positive self. I cant help but feel down. If I could just be positive, then I wouldn’t be depressed.
“Things will get better“
In that moment of feeling anxious, or depressed, this is probably the worst thing to say. Deep, deep, down we know that things will but on the surface we can’t see that light at the end of the tunnel. I think its become the generic, most obvious, piece of advice someone could give, as people just don’t understand that feeling we are experiencing.
“It could be worse…“
We know it could be, but don’t make us think of how much worse it could be as that will make us feel worse. Our minds tends to race when we feel down and that will unfortunately make the situation worse.
“You just need a good night out“
I would get this one all the time when I was at school, and I still get it in work situations. A night out tends to involve alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant, even though it may make you feel happy for a short amount of time. It will enhance your emotions and make it harder to cope with. The worst panic attacks I have ever experienced have been when I have had a couple of drinks after feeling down. They have been panic attacks that I’ve been unable to control and have led to really bad thoughts of suicide. So a night out it completely the opposite of what I need. Also the pressure of having to be positive so you don’t ruin everyone else’s night is just too much to handle. Sorry!
“But you always seem so happy“
This one I feel may not apply to everyone. I have become very good at hiding my feeling when I get really down. I do not like to disappoint people and I have adopted the role of being the calming one in bad situations. There are obviously some people who see right through my acting but others that do not. Just because I don’t look sad all the time, doesn’t mean i’m feeling fine now. It just means that I want to try and fit in for once, and not make myself the centre of attention the whole time.
I understand that this may be different for a lot of people, and there are loads more, but I feel like these are the main ones from what I have experienced.
Let me know what your least favourite thing to hear is.
Amalia x
Life of Marley. 